Eurovision Song Contest: Copenhagen 2014 – Russia

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Part 8 of our 39 part run up to the start of the Eurovision Song Contest means it’s time to see if Russia can earn itself another ESC, cheat their way to one, or take the Putin route: invade and annex. The Tolmachevy Sisters are Junior Eurovision champs, but this is the big leagues now. Can they handle the heat?

Artist: Tolmachevy Sisters

Song: “Shine”

Analysis: After weeks of searching for this song, I’ve finally found the music video (yesterday) and while it’s marked “official” on youtube, I see no Eurovision logo. The song itself is musically okay. The vocals are sweet and poppy. Neither of them slides off key, all of the notes that need to be hit are. Nothing complicated, nothing that these ladies can’t handle. The lyrics are ironically hypocritical for the major reason listed in the Verdict section below. The major musical issue for me is that, once again, I don’t have a live version of this, so what they *really* sound like, I do not know. I did find some live clips of them from 2011, and they suggest that they sound pretty good live, but that was then, and this is now.

Verdict: This one is really difficult for multiple reasons. The song by itself makes the finals, but I can’t really place it after that. Why is that, other than the fact that the song is pure vanilla? First off, I don’t have a live version of their song. Secondly, it’s a middle of the pack song, so it all depends on the live performance, but here’s the real problem: Internally, Russia was implicated last year with trying to fix the televote for them using Azerbaijan as the broker. The lid was blown when the Azeris didn’t hit Russia back with their 12 points and the Russians were all “WTF, mate?”. Externally, Vladmir Putin is a cyka. A major league asshole who is seriously pissing off the rest of Europe. Expect Ukraine to throw shade, along with western Europe, and that’s even assuming Russia will be “allowed” to compete. Both mean that these women (I got chastised for using the word “chicks”) are gonna get politically screwed for something they had no hand in. Why couldn’t this have happened to that no talent fuck Dima Bilan in 2009?

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