Eurovision Song Contest: Copenhagen 2014 – Latvia


Part 6 of our 39 part run up to the start of the Eurovision Song Contest means it’s Riga’s turn to step up and jockey itself for that oh so special prize of hosting next year’s ESCs. Aarzemnieki (don’t ask how to say it, I’m amazed I could copy and paste spell it) has been tapped to do the job, let’s see if they’re up to the task.

Artist: Aarzemnieki

Song: “Cake to Bake”

Analysis: So, when this guy says that he’s got a cake to bake, and he’s got no clue at all, I assume that the cake is weed, baking it is taking bong rips, and yes, they’ve got no freaking clue at all. This is probably the cheesiest, hokiest song in the entire contest. If the guy wasn’t breathing the words through his nose the whole time, and actually demonstrated a range, it may have been salvageable, but not quite so much as it is.

Verdict: Nope, no shot. No shot at all. Doesn’t get out of the semis. If it does, then Satan will have a new soul to screw with. I just hope he doesn’t get too much of a contact high from this dude


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